dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
