I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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