A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
