he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
