If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry about my life...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
