I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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