I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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