Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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