went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we should paint friendship bongs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
