did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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