They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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