youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
