So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Randomize
