You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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