i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
