I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
