It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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