i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize