So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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