so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
