I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
