She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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