I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize