Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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