distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You took a bar mat shot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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