WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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