Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
