I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
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We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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