I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
