Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
