I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize