i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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