just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
