So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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