No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
