it's great music for shaving your balls
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
