You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
