Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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