P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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