Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
