A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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