Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
