in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
