I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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