then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
