I didn't shave. On purpose
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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