i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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