i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
