Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thus making me awesome and them whores
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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