if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
