where am i from again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
