She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
