Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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