I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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