Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
