he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
