I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
