Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
