I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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