I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
