Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
