we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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