i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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