The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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