Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize