Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You took a bar mat shot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
