Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
