I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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