I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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