The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
