My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
