Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
meet me or not, i'm out of control
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
