I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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