Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize