my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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