Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
