thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
