we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
