If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
